You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
