She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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