Got a toothbrush?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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