So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
