I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My vagina just clenched in fear
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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