Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
