The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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