everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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