PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
