i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
