ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize