i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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