ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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