Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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