i love accidental penises.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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