Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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