My friends, they love my intelligence
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
