Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
