I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A bitchslap is in order.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
