Ambien. No doubt about it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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