She is in my trunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
