Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
