I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
