Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
