You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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