He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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