Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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