Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I skipped work to stalk him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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