saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
