Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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