Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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