Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
