Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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