You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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