he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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