Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish you could order shots online.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
