My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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