it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
