Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
