There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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