Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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