Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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