Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
