Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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