So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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