Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
