Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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