Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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