The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
