Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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