he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
