remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
