saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
