I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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