apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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