If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
