i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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