i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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