lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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